An Exploration of Unconditional Love cont....

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Intimacy is not the same thing as romance.


Being "in Love" at the beginning of a relationship is wonderful. I think it is the result of us getting in touch with being, through another person. When you fall in love and get in that blissful state, you just love being, your being, and the being of the beloved, and the being of all beings in the world. You are "home" in that rediscovered sense of unity and bliss. As Kris Kristofferson sings:

She wasn't quite as pretty as
some others I have known,
and she wasn't good at
conversation when we were
alone,
but she had a way of makin' me
believe that I belonged.
And it felt like comin' home
when I loved her.

'Cause she brightened up my day
like the early mornin' sun
and she made what I was doin'
seem worth while.
Its the closest thing to livin' that
I guess I've ever known,
and it left me feelin' warm, when I loved her.

Kris Kristofferson, "When I Loved Her" 1968, BMG Music Publ.

It is not the way they look or how good they talk that makes us love who we love. Their ability to be with us is more powerful. It is their ability to make us "believe that we belong" that "leaves us feeling' warm", that renews that old spark that first happened in Mom an eternity ago.

Too bad that once we are warmed, and begin to "believe that we belong", the feeling becomes a belief to be preserved, and guarded, and defended, so the feeling will never go away. This of course, makes the feeling go away.

We end up resenting the person, with whom we used to be in love, for changing. When you start expecting the other person to live up to your expectations based on what you felt before, you are going to get disappointed and pissed off. If both people are in this place at about the same time, a nasty argument ensues. This hurt and anger get formulated into belief instead of gotten over. In a short while, you are trapped in the thought, "How could that bitch/bastard be so wonderful and so shitty to me? How can she/he be so cruel?"

Continues:

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